I thought we should sample a few quotations about the people who make our laws as we approach Tuesday’s vote. No matter how divided we are, we have humorist, satirist and cynic H. L. Mencken to help us through:
Government is a broker in pillage, and every election is a sort of advance auction in stolen goods.
The worst government is the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
“Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.” Who’s proud of it, then? Scoundrels, fanatics and pillagers.
Here are a couple more from the famous Mencken:
If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
Looking for an honest politician is like looking for an ethical burglar.
Here are a few stories to remember on Election Day:
The newly-hatched snake and the newly-born rabbit came face to face. Both were so young their eyes had not yet opened. Neither knew what the other was, so they decided to feel each other and make a guess. First the snake slithered over the rabbit and then concluded: “You have warm fur, whiskers, long ears and you hop around. You must be a bunny.”
Then the rabbit ran its paws over the snake. “You are slippery, you crawl on the ground, and have no balls. You must be a politician.”
A doctor, an engineer and a politician were traveling together in the countryside. They stopped at a small country inn for the night. “I have only two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn,” said the innkeeper. The doctor volunteered to sleep in the barn, went outside, and the others went to bed.
A short time later the doctor returned: “There’s a cow in that barn. I’m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal.” The engineer said he’d be willing to sleep in the barn and left. The others went back to bed, but soon the engineer returned as well: “There’s a pig in the barn. I’m Muslim, and I can’t sleep next to an unclean animal.” So the politician said he’d go to the barn.
It was getting really late by this time, so the doctor and the engineer soon fell fast asleep. When they awakened in the morning, something seemed amiss in the room. They didn’t know what it could be, until they saw the cow and the pig sleeping next to the bed.
Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’
The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’
The third surgeon says, ‘No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’
The fourth surgeon chimes in, ‘You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.’
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts – the mouth and the arsehole. Not only that, the moving parts are interchangeable.’
If you don’t get to the polls tomorrow, don’t feel guilty. As wise people caution: “Don’t vote. It only encourages them.”