, , ,

Conventions are less than two months away! It’s time for the party faithful to get their talking points and party platforms in order, to persuade fence-sitters, malingerers, and other unhelpful species of voters who might be reluctant to join the cause.

Vote for Donald

Six reasons we support Donald Trump and the Republican party, proposed by the platform committee at the Republican National Convention on July 18 – 21, 2016:

1. We were here first. Anyone who arrived after we did, has to go.

2. We have had it with Muslims who shoot people. Muslims have to go.

3. We have had it with women who think they are better than men.

4. If Democrats don’t protect American workers, Republicans have to do the job. Anyone who thinks we ought to – or can – compete with other parts of the world ought to shut up or get out.

5. #NeverHillary.

6. America used to be great, but it’s not anymore. Citizens stand for America, and America stands for its citizens. Except for Muslims. And women. And Mexicans. And free traders. All of us except those people will be great again. Those people will not be great, because they are not us.

Vote for Hillary

Six reasons we support Hillary Clinton and the Democratic party, proposed by the platform committee at the Democratic National Convention on July 25 – 28, 2016:

1. We care about stability and predictability. Hillary promises to keep everything the same.

2. #NeverDonald.

3. We care about our village. More, we want our village to care about us. Government belongs to us; we belong to government.

4. Cast the dice for identity politics. Women, support your sisters. Remember the Democrats’ campaign slogan eight years ago: “If you sit to pee, vote for Hillary.”

5. If you like U. S. foreign policy since, say, 1993, vote for more brilliance. See “What difference does it make?” become our national strategy. Counter-espionage policy: Chelsea Manning and Edward Snowden were both spies.

6. Spread the wealth throughout the land. We want to be more like Europe, but we have a ways to go. Keep the light of hope alive for all the children left behind.

If six reasons to back Hillary aren’t enough for you, see 112 more right here: